


Playlist

by TenSpencerRiedPlease



Series: YouTube AU [8]
Category: Doctor Strange (2016), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Crack Treated Seriously, Humor, M/M, YouTube
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-01-29
Packaged: 2019-10-19 00:50:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17591630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TenSpencerRiedPlease/pseuds/TenSpencerRiedPlease
Summary: He pulls Peter’s phone out of his pocket and Tony snatches it, scrolling through the absurd amount of playlists. “Oh here’s one. ‘That feeling you get when you fuck at three a.m but actually you want to die.’ I don’t know what that means.”Stephen pulls the phone back and starts scrolling. “Oh lovely- ‘for when you’re in Medicine Hat, Canada and the Tim Hortons is being held up.’ Are these built on personal experience?” he asks, squinting.Tony takes the phone back and scrolls a little before sighing. “Seriously? ‘The feeling you get when you look at Tony Stark’s ass’? Is that a real thing?”Stephen takes the phone back and laughs, “it was made three years before he met you,” he says. “That’s funnier.”





	Playlist

“Wong has abandoned me,” Stephen says dramatically. Tony and Peter don’t even react because Wong would never abandon Stephen but he seems to think they should be a lot more invested. “Did you two not hear me?” he asks and Peter bites the bullet, sighing.

“We heard you, but we think you’re being dramatic,” he says. How nice of him to take one for the team like that.

Given how offended Stephen looks he’s probably going to regret that. “You think being upset about being abandoned is dramatics?” he asks in a haughty tone.

“Considering you decided Tony being on a business trip and me sleeping was you being abandoned, yeah,” Peter tells him.

Tony probably shouldn’t risk laughing but that’s too good not to laugh at.

*

“I love when people know shit-”

“Yes, me too but it happens so rarely,” Stephen says, cutting Peter off.

Peter sighs. “As I was _saying_  I love when people know shit about the development of a project because this random person tweeted ‘the best thing about going to see Consuming Fire is that you know at one point it was a monster fucking movie’ and that’s hilarious,” he says.

God, yeah. And Peter fought about it for awhile too, which resulted in him nearly getting fired twice until Stephen had made a casual comment about making one of the characters a musician. With an in like that Peter had had a much less difficult time writing something that wasn’t total garbage, even if it was straight people. Then came the fight to cast Kamala and mini Peter in the roles, which resulted in a bunch more rewrites, but the interest generated from his casting choices alone seemed to appease pissy studios and audiences alike so.

“Imagine if Kamala was the fish man from The Shape of Water,” Stephen says, shaking his head. “Absolutely awful. Unpopular opinion, that movie was awful,” he adds.

“You have no taste,” Peter tells him.

“I thought the fish man was romantic,” Tony says and Stephen wrinkles his nose.

“White people are monster fuckers,” he mumbles. “Something went wrong in Europe.”

Peter starts laughing and Tony sighs, “dude, Sam dresses up as a furry on a regular basis. This isn’t just a caucasian problem- every race of human is into some weird shit.”

Stephen shakes his head, “Sam is an exception and should not be counted and _when_  did he decide he was a furry?” he asks, frowning.

“Dude dresses up like a bird all the time,” Peter points out. “Calls his alter ego Falcon and he doesn’t even fucking dress up as a falcon.”

“He should dress up as a great tit,” Tony says and Stephen looks like his soul has died a little.

“We’re not talking about furries or monster fuckers anymore. We’re talking about Peter’s strange ability to make a playlist for every _possible_  situation,” Stephen says. “Shall we go through the stranger ones?”

He pulls Peter’s phone out of his pocket and Tony snatches it, scrolling through the _absurd_  amount of playlists. “Oh here’s one. ‘That feeling you get when you fuck at three a.m but actually you want to die.’ I don’t know what that _means_.”

Stephen pulls the phone back and starts scrolling. “Oh lovely- ‘for when you’re in Medicine Hat, Canada and the Tim Hortons is being held up.’ Are these built on personal experience?” he asks, squinting.

Tony takes the phone back and scrolls a little before sighing. “Seriously? ‘The feeling you get when you look at Tony Stark’s ass’? Is that a real thing?”

Stephen takes the phone back and laughs, “it was made three years before he met you,” he says. “That’s funnier.”

Peter snatches his phone. “I don’t even know how you two got that,” he mumbles. “And by the way- okay you know what, I will give you ‘Frankenstein vore playlist’ because I don’t even know what that means,” he says.

Stephen pulls a list from his pocket, “I’ve made a list of the strangest playlists though I did manage to somehow miss _that_  one,” he says, wrinkling his nose at Peter. Tony leans over to look at the list and snorts at what he finds there. Honestly only Peter would have a playlist dedicated to making egg salad in someone else’s kitchen while you rob them.

“You have an ‘evacuate the building in case of fire’ playlist. No one will be listening to these, they’ll be exiting the damn building,” Tony says.

“Wedding in a classroom in rural Alaska- why is that a playlist?” Stephen asks.

“You went with that over ‘tickle my ass with a feather’ playlist?” Tony asks, giving Stephen a judgmental look.

“That one’s for Rocket,” Peter says, giving them more information than they wanted, Tony is sure.

“Got my ass kicked by a ballerina with teeth for a face- _what_? What does that _mean_ , Peter?” Tony asks, baffled.

“What’s on the tin- it literally says it all in the title.”

Stephen rubs his temple and sighs. “Accidentally laughed at a funeral?” he asks.

Peter shrugs, “its been known to happen.” Even _Stephen_ , the most cold hearted person Tony knows, clearly thinks that’s a dick move.

“Got caught in a government scandal?” Tony asks. “You don’t even understand politics.”

“Its worse because he has political opinions,” Stephen mumbles.

“Oh like that makes me any different than politicians,” Peter says and just because he’s right doesn't mean he should be.

“CIA mind control playlist?” Stephen asks.

“Are we going to read these all day, I feel like we’ve got better content than this,” Peter says.

Stephen squints at his list, “workplace serial killer playlist? I get work place _shooter_  because that happens. I get disgruntled employee because that happens. I get _serial killer_  because those are a thing. But in what world does a person have a problem with a _work place serial killer_?” he asks in a haughty tone.

“Well when you say it like that it sounds ridiculous,” Peter mumbles.

He gets a _look_ from Stephen for that, “it sounded ridiculous the whole time. Like your damn monster fucking romcom.”

“It could have worked, we have vampire shows,” Peter points out.

Tony rolls his eyes, “that’s not monster fucking, that’s a cop out. You better be fucking something only vaguely human looking or you’re a pussy.”

“Structurally speaking female genitalia is the superior design, I don’t know why we use _those_  as an insult. We should be calling people gonads on account of the poor design choices evolution made there. Or backs. The spine is basically a pixie stick holding up your meat sack- its an insult to biological architecture,” he says like that’s a phrase anyone but him has thought up.

Peter starts laughing and Tony decides to call it a day because there’s no coming back from that.

*

“So people have been writing meta on why our dynamic is so watchable,” Peter says, “and I honestly never thought I’d hear the phrase ‘Tony Stark is the straight man’ but here we are.”

Tony frowns, “I’m bisexual,” he says. How is it possible to fuck two whole assed dudes and _still_  end up being called straight? Though there _are_  those conspiracies about him being brainwashed and held captive because that’s the gay agenda these days, he guesses.

Stephen lets out a long sigh but Peter explains. “Its not a sexuality thing, its a comedy thing. There are the nutty characters and then the normal one who grounds them all- the straight man. You’re the one who grounds me and Stephen,” he says.

Tony squints, “cite your sources,” he tells Peter. Pepper is the straight man normally. Rhodey, he might be straight man passing if he didn’t always go along with Tony’s dumb plans. Pepper though, she lives and breathes common sense and forces him and Rhodey to also live and breathe common sense. Tony can’t imagine how _he’s_  the straight man.

Peter nods, “yeah, so normally that’s not what the fuck you’d be on account of being a quirky billionaire genius who casually blows shit up on such a regular basis that its normal to you. But you hang out with a man who once _faked a haunting_ to get rid of a roommate, casually refers to his coworkers killing people and how it inconveniences him because of _hour cutbacks_ , and is sometimes _actually magical_. Couple that with your other partner in crime, me, who got into a several months long fight with a studio over whether or not I can make a monster fucking movie because I can’t write straight people, who got famous after writing a sci-fi musical space opera about his daddy issues, has a playlist for being murdered by _sheep_ , and literally has a friend named ‘Rocket Racoon’ and your shit is no longer weird. You are the straight man only because the two people you’re with are _so weird_  that your weird no longer looks weird in comparison,” Peter says.

They all sit on that for a long moment before Tony crosses his arms and glares straight ahead. “I don’t want to be the straight man,” he mumbles.

Stephen pulls a handkerchief seemingly out of _nowhere_  and throws it at him. “Go cry me a river,” he says.

He picks up the handkerchief and frowns. “This is monogramed. And where wee you hiding it?”

*

Wong scrolls through the comments nodding to himself. “My favorite thing about these videos is my strange but adorable cult following,” he says.

Yeah, Wong is kind of a series regular but people have grown to like him with a surprising amount of enthusiasm. Stephen, however, looks irritated with this. “They have poor taste,” he mumbles.

Peter pets his head, earning a dirty look for his efforts. “Don’t worry, only about half the audience hates you now,” he chirps in an overly cheerful tone.

“Half the audience needs standards,” Wong murmurs, taking a sip of Stephen’s coffee.

Stephen pulls his cup back, “yes, half the audience needs to grow up and come to the conclusion that I’m far superior to Peter,” he says. “And on par with Tony, I suppose,” he adds.

Wong takes the coffee back, “that wasn’t the half of that audience I was referring to, Stephen, and we both know that. And Peter is superior to you on account of having a personality that isn’t the equivalent of sand paper on the senses.”

“I have a playlist for that too,” Peter says, grinning.

Tony rolls his eyes, “you have a playlist for drowning in quicksand in the middle of a forest on a planet in another solar system. We fucking _know_  you have a playlist for it,” he says.

“Have a playlist for when your irritating best friend all but forces you to pick up his questionable boxers in the morning and you feel a little bit of your soul slip into another dimension?” Wong asks and Peter frowns.

“I uh... no, I don’t,” he says, looking lost and confused.

**Author's Note:**

> [My writing Tumblr](https://tenspencerriedplease.tumblr.com/)


End file.
